That night, wrapped in her warm cocoon of blankets, she cried.
She cried for her broken heart.
She cried for being so close but not quite good enough.
She cried for all the words left unspoken.
She cried for loss, love and hate.
She cried for what could have been.
She cried for him.
But most importantly, she cried for herself.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Begining
It starts with a glance.
You look into each others eyes from across the room.
At first you look away embarrassed, your face possibly red.
The next time it happens you flash a timid smile.
He smiles back and you get butterflies.
The next step is a conversation.
He sits by you and you make small talk.
At first it might be awkward, racking your brain for something to say.
But eventually it evolves and you can talk about anything.
Then comes the confession.
He likes you, you like him.
He'll ask what you would do if he held your hand.
Your face turns red and you ask what he would do if you held his.
You hold hands.
Its such a small thing.
But it means so much at the same time.
His big hand wrapped around your small one.
They fit together perfectly.
You'll love holding his hand.
The way he rubs his thumb across your skin.
The gentle way he squeezes it ever so often.
Just being close.
That's your favorite part.
He'll kiss you.
He's looking at you with those intense ice blue eyes.
Your so nervous you start talking fast about nothing at all.
He moves closer and your brain finally tells your mouth to shut up.
Your lips mold together and your left speechless.
That's how it begins.
From a timid smile to a breath taking kiss.
You've finally found what you've been searching for.
The void in your heart has been filled. For now, anyways.
You look into each others eyes from across the room.
At first you look away embarrassed, your face possibly red.
The next time it happens you flash a timid smile.
He smiles back and you get butterflies.
The next step is a conversation.
He sits by you and you make small talk.
At first it might be awkward, racking your brain for something to say.
But eventually it evolves and you can talk about anything.
Then comes the confession.
He likes you, you like him.
He'll ask what you would do if he held your hand.
Your face turns red and you ask what he would do if you held his.
You hold hands.
Its such a small thing.
But it means so much at the same time.
His big hand wrapped around your small one.
They fit together perfectly.
You'll love holding his hand.
The way he rubs his thumb across your skin.
The gentle way he squeezes it ever so often.
Just being close.
That's your favorite part.
He'll kiss you.
He's looking at you with those intense ice blue eyes.
Your so nervous you start talking fast about nothing at all.
He moves closer and your brain finally tells your mouth to shut up.
Your lips mold together and your left speechless.
That's how it begins.
From a timid smile to a breath taking kiss.
You've finally found what you've been searching for.
The void in your heart has been filled. For now, anyways.
Missing You
I miss the way you held me
Your fingers on my skin
I felt so small in your arms
I miss your eyes
The way you looked at me
I felt beautiful and loved
I miss your voice
I loved it when you sang to me
The sound was manna to my ears
I miss your lips
The way they felt on my own
When they connected I felt complete
I miss you
Just being together lauughing and having fun
When you held me close, I thought everything would be ok.
Your fingers on my skin
I felt so small in your arms
I miss your eyes
The way you looked at me
I felt beautiful and loved
I miss your voice
I loved it when you sang to me
The sound was manna to my ears
I miss your lips
The way they felt on my own
When they connected I felt complete
I miss you
Just being together lauughing and having fun
When you held me close, I thought everything would be ok.
Want
I want you. I want you so bad. I want to have your arms around me, holding me close. Your hands caressing my back. I wan to get lost in your eyes. Gazing into their ice blue intensity, conveying our love for one another. I want to taste your kiss again. Its like a cool glass of water after a walk through a dessert. Refreshing and enjoyable. Breathing life into me. Our tongues dancing together…best friends…more than friends. I want to sit on your lap, lean against your chest and feel your heartbeat as you pull me closer and sing softly into my ear. I want the tears to stop. The pain to go away. Why must love hurt? Happiness end in sorrow? Why wont dreams became reality. All I want is you. Only you. Always you. What happens when it all ends and all you have are the memories. Memories accompanied by tears and thoughts of what could have been. What should be. What happens when you can't just be friends because the attraction is to strong but you can't be more because of all the problems it causes…do we just walk away? Leave it all behind, move on with nothing but the memories and heartache. The feeling that something is missing, knowing what it is but not being able to have it?
"This is the end of a really sad story. Don't feel bad for me. I started out alone and that's is how I'll end."
"This is the end of a really sad story. Don't feel bad for me. I started out alone and that's is how I'll end."
Real Magic
Real magic is a rainbow, shooting star, the way the earth glistens in the morning when the sun is rising and dew is on the ground. A sunset, the smell of rain right before a storm and the clean feeling after it. Having friends who can make you laugh when your feeling down, a hot shower when you tired and sore. Holding hands on a piano bench, your first kiss, being held by the person you love, looking into their eyes and and having them say those three words. Being with someone and silence is not awkward, knowing someone loves you, even when you've made mistakes, knowing you can be forgiven. Thats real magic.
Orb of Confusion
There are so many things I want to say, need to say, but I don't know how. I don't have any words, trying to make sense of my thoughts is like trying to read a foreign language. Impossible. My brain is screaming, trying to get it all out, but my mouth won't cooperate. I suck at this game; the game of conveying thoughts and emotions through words. They just stay bottled up inside, building upon each other growing taller and thicker untill they cannot be contained inside of me any longer.
Hate Is Easy; Love Takes Courage.
I hate that I care.
I hate that I cant stop thinking about him.
I hate that he's always on my mind; constantly in my dreams.
I hate that we cant be together.
I hate that I love him.
I hate that I make him cry.
I hate that he makes me cry.
I Hate that I cant make my feelings go away.
I hate that I care.
I hate that I cant hate him.
Not even a little bit.
I hate that I cant stop thinking about him.
I hate that he's always on my mind; constantly in my dreams.
I hate that we cant be together.
I hate that I love him.
I hate that I make him cry.
I hate that he makes me cry.
I Hate that I cant make my feelings go away.
I hate that I care.
I hate that I cant hate him.
Not even a little bit.
Rearview Mirror
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace”
Everyone is always in a hurry
Rushing to get somewhere
most of them don’t want to be
Lost in their own worlds
No time to care for anyone else
Do they notice what is all around them?
The way the sun shines through the leaves of a tree
How amazingly blue the sky might be
Do they take time to notice?
The Bum with his classic cardboard sign
Silent eyes on a dirty face pleading for help
The only companion is his starving black puppy
Do they glance in their rearview mirror and feel anything?
Is there an ounce of pity for the poor man
Does a thought to help flit through their mind
Do they long to know his story?
Have the urge to buy him a snack, sit down and listen
Maybe, it’s quite possible, they might
But as soon as their eyes shift from the mirror back to the road
He is again forgotten
Do they notice while glancing in the rearview mirror
How the mountains majestically rise and tower up to the sky
Do they entertain silly notions in their heads
Wonder if they climbed to the highest blue peak
Maybe they might feel heaven
The stress and worry would vanish
All alone on the high blue mountain top
They only see while glancing in the rearview mirror
Are they awed by the beauty that is all around them
Long to strike up a conversation with a friendly stranger
Offer a smile to someone who looks down
Of course not, that’s ridiculous, psh.
There are people
Driving, Walking, Biking
All to busy to stop, notice or care.
What if just once we forgot ourselves and thought of someone else?
Everyone is always in a hurry
Rushing to get somewhere
most of them don’t want to be
Lost in their own worlds
No time to care for anyone else
Do they notice what is all around them?
The way the sun shines through the leaves of a tree
How amazingly blue the sky might be
Do they take time to notice?
The Bum with his classic cardboard sign
Silent eyes on a dirty face pleading for help
The only companion is his starving black puppy
Do they glance in their rearview mirror and feel anything?
Is there an ounce of pity for the poor man
Does a thought to help flit through their mind
Do they long to know his story?
Have the urge to buy him a snack, sit down and listen
Maybe, it’s quite possible, they might
But as soon as their eyes shift from the mirror back to the road
He is again forgotten
Do they notice while glancing in the rearview mirror
How the mountains majestically rise and tower up to the sky
Do they entertain silly notions in their heads
Wonder if they climbed to the highest blue peak
Maybe they might feel heaven
The stress and worry would vanish
All alone on the high blue mountain top
They only see while glancing in the rearview mirror
Are they awed by the beauty that is all around them
Long to strike up a conversation with a friendly stranger
Offer a smile to someone who looks down
Of course not, that’s ridiculous, psh.
There are people
Driving, Walking, Biking
All to busy to stop, notice or care.
What if just once we forgot ourselves and thought of someone else?
Canal Bank
She walks along the worn dirt road
Arms folded, kind of hugging herself, holding in all the emotion
Tears she can't cry are getting so hard to hold back
She is the strong one, the glue, holding everything together
The water, it current talking it on to a bigger place
She stops to admire the way it flows over an edge
Calm and smooth in the middle
Rough and choppy around the edges
When it all meets at the bottom: Total Chaos
A visual of what's going on in her mind
She sits down on a piece of cement
Pulls her knees to her chest and cries, lets it all out
The sound of rushing water blocks out the thoughts that always plague her mind
She takes a deep breath and looks up to the sky
Notices the crescent moon shining between two trees
The sky is so beautiful. Blue, Pink, Orange.
It's comforting to know the creator of all this beauty
Is always there, ready to reach out his hand and help her up
Bring her into his loving arms and make everything ok.
He loves her always, no matter what.
And right now that's all matters.
Arms folded, kind of hugging herself, holding in all the emotion
Tears she can't cry are getting so hard to hold back
She is the strong one, the glue, holding everything together
The water, it current talking it on to a bigger place
She stops to admire the way it flows over an edge
Calm and smooth in the middle
Rough and choppy around the edges
When it all meets at the bottom: Total Chaos
A visual of what's going on in her mind
She sits down on a piece of cement
Pulls her knees to her chest and cries, lets it all out
The sound of rushing water blocks out the thoughts that always plague her mind
She takes a deep breath and looks up to the sky
Notices the crescent moon shining between two trees
The sky is so beautiful. Blue, Pink, Orange.
It's comforting to know the creator of all this beauty
Is always there, ready to reach out his hand and help her up
Bring her into his loving arms and make everything ok.
He loves her always, no matter what.
And right now that's all matters.
Foreign Concept
Sleep has become a foreign concept.
I listen to the clock tick as I lay awake.
Your image is engraven in my mind.
When I close my eyes I see you, your dancing blue eyes and smile that made me forget to breath.
My thoughts are consumed with things you’ve said and done, with things I wish you would say and do.
Dreaming about you only makes the heartache deepen.
Instead I write about how I try not to think of you.
(Grand Idea, it’s really helping. Not.)
I write about how I’ll eventually get over you.
(Capital plan, write it all down. When I write I think. Thinking is dangerous.)
Get it all out on paper; keep it out of my mind.
Someday when I’m really over you I’ll come back and read this, laugh about how pathetic I was.
For now I close my eyes, your face is there.
Do you see me when you sleep?
(Of course not)
I push your image away, try to forget about you.
It’ll work for a while.
Long enough for me to fall into the bliss of dreamland where hurt and disappointment do not exist.
Until tomorrow night, when it all happens again.
I listen to the clock tick as I lay awake.
Your image is engraven in my mind.
When I close my eyes I see you, your dancing blue eyes and smile that made me forget to breath.
My thoughts are consumed with things you’ve said and done, with things I wish you would say and do.
Dreaming about you only makes the heartache deepen.
Instead I write about how I try not to think of you.
(Grand Idea, it’s really helping. Not.)
I write about how I’ll eventually get over you.
(Capital plan, write it all down. When I write I think. Thinking is dangerous.)
Get it all out on paper; keep it out of my mind.
Someday when I’m really over you I’ll come back and read this, laugh about how pathetic I was.
For now I close my eyes, your face is there.
Do you see me when you sleep?
(Of course not)
I push your image away, try to forget about you.
It’ll work for a while.
Long enough for me to fall into the bliss of dreamland where hurt and disappointment do not exist.
Until tomorrow night, when it all happens again.
A Little Girl
I’m just a little girl.
I make mistakes; don’t expect me to be perfect.
I don’t know what I want.
I can’t explain how I feel.
I’m a mess, very confusing.
I need affection.
I’m just a little girl.
Who made the mistake of wondering.
Who has experienced too much already.
Who was stupid and trusted a boy.
I don't want this pain anymore.
I need you.
I’m just a little girl.
I’m selfish and insecure.
I have issues with trust.
I’m afraid of falling.
I can’t do this.
I need help.
Take my hand, don’t hold to tight.
Stand beside me, watch me fight my fight.
I make mistakes; don’t expect me to be perfect.
I don’t know what I want.
I can’t explain how I feel.
I’m a mess, very confusing.
I need affection.
I’m just a little girl.
Who made the mistake of wondering.
Who has experienced too much already.
Who was stupid and trusted a boy.
I don't want this pain anymore.
I need you.
I’m just a little girl.
I’m selfish and insecure.
I have issues with trust.
I’m afraid of falling.
I can’t do this.
I need help.
Take my hand, don’t hold to tight.
Stand beside me, watch me fight my fight.
Another Lie, Another Broken Promise
Your eyes make me want everything to be like before.
They hold memories of the past.
But what is the past?
Nothing but another lie, another broken promise.
The songs you sang while holding me close.
The sweet words you whispered in my ear.
The way your eyes changed, going softer, when you looked at me.
I was a fool to believe the tricks that were just another lie, another broken promise.
If I could lay in your arms again,
taste your kiss, believe your smile and trust your love,
would I?
No.I don’t want another lie, another broken promise.
Your words mean nothing.
Your tears are fake.
I deserve more than another lie.
I’m better that another broken promise.
They hold memories of the past.
But what is the past?
Nothing but another lie, another broken promise.
The songs you sang while holding me close.
The sweet words you whispered in my ear.
The way your eyes changed, going softer, when you looked at me.
I was a fool to believe the tricks that were just another lie, another broken promise.
If I could lay in your arms again,
taste your kiss, believe your smile and trust your love,
would I?
No.I don’t want another lie, another broken promise.
Your words mean nothing.
Your tears are fake.
I deserve more than another lie.
I’m better that another broken promise.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Broken
Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight
Broken souls that need his mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things?
Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of him
To put on Christ 'till His name feels broken in
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things
And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving
This broken soul that cries for mendingT
his broken heart for offeringI'm convinced that God love broken me
Praise His name-- My God loves broken thingsS
o broken cloud--give rain
And broken soil-- grow grain
And broken bread--feed man for one more day.
- song by someone whose name escapes my memory
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight
Broken souls that need his mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things?
Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of him
To put on Christ 'till His name feels broken in
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things
And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving
This broken soul that cries for mendingT
his broken heart for offeringI'm convinced that God love broken me
Praise His name-- My God loves broken thingsS
o broken cloud--give rain
And broken soil-- grow grain
And broken bread--feed man for one more day.
- song by someone whose name escapes my memory
Don't Tell Me You Love Me
Don't tell me you love me.
I know its a lie.
Something you say to make my heart fly.
Don't tell me you love me,
those words mean more than you know.
When you whisper them my tears want to flow.
Don't tell me you love me.
It plants a false seed of hope,
the fire inside of me has turned into a whispy spiral of smoke.
Don't tell me you love me
with that look in your eyes
your words are a tangled up web of lies
Don't tell me you love me
and then walk away.
If you really mean it,
why don't you stay?
I know its a lie.
Something you say to make my heart fly.
Don't tell me you love me,
those words mean more than you know.
When you whisper them my tears want to flow.
Don't tell me you love me.
It plants a false seed of hope,
the fire inside of me has turned into a whispy spiral of smoke.
Don't tell me you love me
with that look in your eyes
your words are a tangled up web of lies
Don't tell me you love me
and then walk away.
If you really mean it,
why don't you stay?
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